oh oh oh tonight

Tonight, I had the longest panic attack I've had since october.
I have been reassessing my self and my identity and my life and where I'm going for the past few days and I have remembered alot of things about myself I forgot. Never being alone kind of makes one forget who they are, I can't even remember the last time I was completely alone for 24 hours. I think going by myself will be good for me right now. I am so sad all this is ending, everyone feels so cold all the time, I'm sure everyone's going through their own things. I don't know why mine always seems to explode out of me like that.
It was strange because I had felt fine through most of the day.
And then there was this sudden rush of grief I couldn't escape.
I feel better, now I'm just embarrassed to go back.
I'll just need to tell myself not to worry about it. I need to stop having things that happen in the past effect my relationships with people now. Less focus on other people's thoughts on me and more focus on my own.
Its so stupid because I feel like I've already taken these steps and gotten over these things only to forget and have to do them all over again.